


Dandelion

by joshmeatflint



Category: Original Work, The Perks of Being a Wallflower - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, dammit i love this movie sm, this one goes out to my best friends lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:40:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9669218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshmeatflint/pseuds/joshmeatflint
Summary: there are always those moments in life youll never be able to forget.





	1. Chapter 1

_Dear Friend,  
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I don't want you to do that. I just need to know that people like you exist. Like if you met me, you wouldn't think I was the weird kid who spent time in the hospital. And I wouldn't make you nervous._

_I hope it's okay for me to think that. You see, I haven't really talked to anyone outside of my family all summer. But tomorrow is my first day of high school ever, and I really need to turn things around this year. So, I have a plan._

_As I enter the school for the first time, I will visualize what it will be like on the last day of my senior year. I walk down the hall. Triumphant. Confident. Happy. Unfortunately, I counted, and that's...1385 days from now. Just 1385 days. Well, after today, I'd have 1384 days to go. And just so I say it to someone, high school is even worse than middle school._

_In the meantime, I'd hoped that my sister Mara and her boyfriend Tyler would have let me eat lunch with their earth club. But...maybe not. She tells me its seniors only, then she turns to her boyfriend and demands to know why he's using a plastic spork. Tyler is a pussy, but that's my opinion._

_When my sister said no, I thought maybe my old friend Susan would want to have lunch with me. In middle school, Susan was very fun to be around, but now she doesn't like to say hi to me anymore._

_And then there's Nick Gretchyn, who's the quarterback of our team. Before my brother, Eanna, went to play football for Penn State, he and Nick played together. So, I thought maybe he'd say hi to me. But Nick's a senior, and I'm me, so...who am I kidding?_

_On the bright side, one senior decided to make fun of the teacher instead of the freshmen. He even drew on Mr. Callahan's legendary goatee with a grease pencil. Meet Aidan, full of confidence, mischief, and so over high school. He is the class clown, performing a perfect imitation of Mr. Callahan._

_He says, and I quote, "Boys, the prick punch is not a toy. I learned that in 'Nam back in '68. "Callahan," the sergeant said, "put down that prick punch and go kill some gooks.""_

_The laughter suddenly dies as the real Mr. Callahan walks up behind the oblivious Aidan._

_And obviously enough, he doesn't notice, so Aidan continues talking anyway, "But you know what happened? That prick punch killed my best friend in a Saigon whorehouse."_

_Aidan suddenly feels Mr. Callahan behind him. Oops._

_Mr. Callahan says, "I heard you were going to be in my class. Are you proud being a senior taking freshman shop, Patty-Cakes?"_

_Aidan stands up and looks him dead in the eye. "My name is Aidan. You call me Aidan or you call me nothing."_

_"Okay...Nothing."_

_The class laughs. Except me. I watch Aidan take the long walk back to his seat. I felt really bad for Aidan. He wasn't saying the impersonation to be mean or anything. He was just trying to make us freshmen feel better._

_My last class of the day is advanced English, and I'm excited to finally start learning with the smartest kids in the school._

~

A smart ass freshman girl with braces smiles at Roman sarcastically. "Nice Trapper Keeper, faggot."

The kids around him laugh. Roman's cheeks turn red. At the blackboard, the teacher writes his name; Mr. Anderson. Bill Anderson.

Mr. Anderson turns around to face the class. "Shhh. I'm Mr. Anderson. And thanks to Teach for America, I'm going to be your teacher for freshman English. This semester, we're going to be learning Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird. Genius book. Now, who wants to get out of the first pop quiz?"

All hands go up. Except Roman's. Bill paces the rows.

Bill pulls an amused face. "I'm shocked. Alright. You can skip the quiz if you tell me which author invented the paperback book. Anyone?"

As the kids think, he continues, " He's British. He also invented the serial. In fact, at the end of chapter 3 of his first novel, he had a man hanging off a cliff by his fingernails. Hence, the term cliffhanger. Anybody?"

Some freshman girl pipes up, "Shakespeare?"

Bill shakes his head. "That's a great guess, but no, Shakespeare didn't write novels. Anybody else?"

The kids are silent.

"The author was-"

Bill is about to give the answer when he notices Roman has already written Charles Dickens.

"Charles Dickens," Bill finishes, "However, if you and I had gone to a play in Shakespeare's time, it would have cost 4 pennies. Can you imagine that? We would have put those pennies in a metal box, which the ushers would lock in the office. And that's where we get the term...anyone?"

Different kids come up with random answers like "Office Depot!" or "Office Supplies!", but Roman writes down Box Office, then looks up to find that Bill is staring at him. Waiting for him to raise his hand.

"I'll give you a free "A" on anything but the final term paper if you get it right," He bargains, more specifically with Roman.

Roman looks down. He's not going to answer.

"Box office," Bill reveals.

The kids groan. They should have known. Charlie smiles to himself. He's going to like this class.

Almost an hour later, The bell rings. The students chatter their way out of class. The last to leave is Roman.

"You should participate," Bill says before Roman leaves, "Why didn't you raise your hand?"

Roman shrugs.

"They call you teacher's pet? Freak?"

Roman nods.

"I used to get spaz. I mean, come on, spaz?"

Roman smiles. Bill takes a moment.

"So I heard you had a tough time last year," Bill tells him, "But they say if you make one friend on your first day, you're doing okay."

Thank you sir," Roman finally responds, "But if my English teacher is the only one friend I make today, that would be sort of depressing."

Bill doesn't take that in an offensive way. "Yeah. I could see that."

"Don't worry Mr. Anderson." Roman smiles half heartedly. "I'm okay."

Bill nods and watches Roman exit. He gets swallowed up by the crowd as the bell rings. There, out of nowhere, a senior bully grabs Charlie's book.

"Hey, Freshman Toad," He taunts.

The bully rips the cover. He throws it on the ground as his friends laugh and disappear down the hall. Roman walks up and picks up his book, sighing at it's torn cover.

~

_If my parents ask me about it, I probably won't tell them the truth because I don't want them to worry that I might get bad again._

_If my aunt were still here, I could talk to her. And I know she would understand how I am both happy and sad, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be. I just hope I make a friend soon._

_Love always, Roman._


	2. Chapter 2

Roman is in the kitchen, pouring his milk.

His mom calls for him from the dining room, "Roman, come on."

He walks out of the kitchen. His family is seated around the table. Mara's boyfriend, Tyler, is their special guest.

"This chicken paprikash is delicious, Mrs. Alvero," Tyler compliments.

Roman's father, Caesar, rolls his eyes, then reads his sports page.

Roman's mom, Alicia, decides on being nice, "Thank you, Tyler. It's Roman's favorite. He was a little nervous about starting high school, so I made it."

"You feel a little silly being nervous now, huh, champ?" His dad speaks up.

Roman laughs uneasily, "Yes, sir. I sure do."

Roman carries his milk back to the table. He quickly sits, hoping someone will change the subject.

Caesar continues, "I told you. Just give 'em a smile and be yourself. That's how you-"

"Make friends in the real world," Mara finishes for him.

"Freshman year is tough, but you really find yourself," Tyler adds.

Caesar does a deep eye roll. "Thanks, Tyler."

Later on that night, Roman's father and mother watch a local sports show. Roman passes by them with ice cream on his way downstairs.

"I think you could be a little nicer to Tyler," Alicia says.

"I'm sorry," Caesar genuinely apologizes, "The kid's a pussy. I can't stand him."

Roman moves to the entry hall. He looks through the screen door to the porch where Mara kisses Tyler's cheek goodbye. As Tyler walks to his mom's Mercedes, Mara joins Roman.

Tyler waves from the car. "I hope you love the mix I made. The cover is hand-painted."

When he gets into his car, she hands Roman the mix tape. "Roman, do you want this?"

"Are you sure?"

"He gives me one every week."

~

Weeks later on a Friday Night Football in Western, PA. Roman buys his Coke and nachos and wanders to the bleachers. He sits alone, trying to blend in by cheering with the rest of students. When the Mill Grove Devils recover a fumble, he hears someone yell.

Aidan is cheering on the bleachers above him, "Come on Devils!"

Roman looks up at Aidan, cheering his head off.

Twin senior girls pass him, taunting him in union, " Hey, Nothing."

"Suck it, virginity pledges!" Aidan yells back at them.

Roman wants to go up to Aidan so badly. After practically driving himself crazy and sitting up and down twice, he approaches Aidan.

"Hey...Aidan," He starts awkwardly.

"Hey!" Aidan greets him cheerfully, "You're in my shop class, right? How's your clock coming?"

"My dad's building it," Roman tells him.

"Yeah. Mine looks like a boat," He jokes, "You want to sit over here, or are you waiting for your friends?"

Roman doesn't want to tell him he doesn't have any friends, so he settles with, "No. I'll sit if that's okay."

Aidan motions for Roman to sit. Roman does so, feeling elated.

Aidan starts talking to him again, "Thanks for not calling me "Nothing" by the way. It's an endless nightmare. And these assholes actually think they're being original."

Roman doesn't respond. He doesn't know how to.

Nick Gretchyn puts on his helmet and rushes onto the field. Roman dries his hands on his pants. He feels so nervous. There's a 5 second silence between them that feels like a year.

_Think of something to say. Anything, goddammit._

"So, uh...you like football?"

"Love it," Aidan replies shortly, but excitedly.

"Then, maybe you know my broth-"

"Hey Helen!" Aidan cuts him off accidentally.

Roman looks up. Standing there is the prettiest girl he's ever seen. Helen would make every mother proud and every father nervous. She is alive, adventurous, and a world class flirt. Great attitude, she had.

"Question. Could the bathrooms here be more disgusting?" She asks, semi rhetorically.

"Yes, they call it the men's room," Aidan responds.

Helen sits down, sandwiching Roman between her and Aidan. Roman tries hard to remain casual.

_Hang in there, buddy._

"Well, I finally got hold of Jamie," Helen says.

"Party tonight?"

"No. She's still trying to shag that waiter from the Olive Garden."

Aidan laughs, "She's never tossing that salad."

Nick marches the Devils offense down the field. The kids clap. Helen looks at Roman, then turns back to Aidan.

"Aidan, who's this?" She inquires, talking about Roman.

"This is..." Aidan trails off.

"Uh, Roman...Alvero."

"Alvero! No shit!" Aidan exclaims, "Your sister dates Pussy Castro, doesn't she?"

"Is that what they call him?"

"Awww. Leave Tyler alone. You put the "ass" in "class," Aidan," Helen teases.

"I try, Helen. I try."

Helen turns to Roman. "It's nice to meet you, Roman. I'm Helen."

Helen extends her hand to Roman. They shake. Then, Helen grabs a nacho.

"So, what's the plan, Helen? You want to go to Talia's house?" Aidan asks her.

"Can't. She got caught watering down her parent's brandy with iced tea," Helen snickers, "Let's just go to Kings."

Aidan turns to Roman. "Hey. We're going to Kings after the game if you want to come."

Roman nods just as Nick tosses a touchdown pass. The fans go crazy. Especially Aidan. Roman smiles.

~

The Devils' faithfully cheer as Nick and his guys enter. The place is packed. Aidan and Helen are drinking some coffee while Roman eats his brownie. They're all excited.

"Do you have a favorite band?" Helen asks Roman.

"I think Panic! At The Disco is my favorite," Roman tells her.

"Are you kidding!? I love Panic!" Helen exclaims excitedly, "What's your favorite song?"

"Behind the Sea. The alternate version one. I heard it on Tyler's mixtape for my sister."

"That works on so many levels," Aidan jokes.

"I could make a copy for you," Roman offers.

"Thanks," Helen says, "What about Eide's? You love Eide's, right?"

Roman doesn't know what that is, but for the sake of fitting in, he says, "Yeah. They're great."

Aidan snorts, "Not a band, Roman. It's an old record store downtown. I used to be popular before Helen got me some good music. So, watch out. She'll ruin your life forever."

Nick, the quarterback, passes with his friends, taunting, "Hey, Nothing."

"Let it go! Jesus! It's an old joke! It's over!" Aidan yells at them.

Helen laughs, it's humorous to her watching Aidan get riled up.

"So Roman, what are you gonna do when you get out of here?" Helen asks curiously.

"My aunt said I should be a writer, but I don't know what I'd write about."

"You could write about us," Helen suggests.

"Yeah. Call it Slut and The Falcon," Aidan says, "Make us solve crimes."

Helen laughs at his terrible title for a story.

Roman smiles. "You guys look happy together. How long have you been boyfriend and girlfriend?"

They start laughing as Roman gives them a weird look, "What?"

"He's my step-brother. My mom finally left my worthless dad and married his nice dad 3 years ago," Helen tells him.

_That's nice Roman, you've managed to embarrass yourself twice- no, **thrice** in a row tonight, in front of your first ever potential friends._

"But Helen's not bitter. Make no mistake," Aidan says.

"Absolutely not."

~

Roman hops out of Helen's old truck. The music blares.

"Thanks for paying, Roman," Aidan thanks him.

Roman eagerly responds, "No problem. Thanks for the ride. Hey, maybe I'll see you around in school?"

Helen is distracted and didn't hear Roman, so she yells at Aidan, "God, would you turn that down? You're going to make us deaf. Bye, Roman."

"Bye Roman," Aidan says.

"Okay, bye," Roman says.

Roman waves as the truck leaves. The look on his face shows the happiness from one night of company.

Roman enters the house, excited to tell someone his news. He runs up the stairs to find the living room empty. He hears the TV playing downstairs in the basement. As Roman approaches, he hears muffled sounds of fighting.

It's Tyler apologizing to Mara about whatever it was they were fighting about, "I'm sorry. I can't do anything about it. Please talk to me."

"Maybe your mom and I should have a "drive us to our hair appointment" contest. Then, I could spend a Saturday with you," Mara argues angrily.

Roman watches from the slit in the open door.

"There's nothing I can do-"

"Do you always want to be a mama's boy?"

"I am not a-"

"Yes! Yes you are! Every time I go to your house-"

"Shh, shut up."

Mara goes on anyway, "Your mom says, "Don't go to Columbia with Mara. Go to Pitt, Tyler. Mommy needs you to stay at home because she can't drive herself." She's only 51!"

"Shut up, Mara!"

Roman enters, wanting to stop the fight. Tyler's neck is red, he's dangerously angry. Mara keeps digging.

"And you just stand there like a little bitch dog."

Out of nowhere, Tyler slaps her across the face. It's not a movie slap, it's a real slap. And after it, silence. Mara turns and sees Roman. It sobers her up. Roman moves at Tyler but Mara stops him.

"Roman, just go. I can handle it. Just don't wake up mom and dad," She pleads.

She pushes him out of the room and closes the door.

Roman sits at his desk. He was so disturbed. He hears a car start outside. He moves to his window and looks down at Tyler and Mara near Tyler's mother's Mercedes. Tyler is visibly crying. Mara comforts him. After a beat, they kiss.

He exits his room and approaches the stairs. Roman stands at the top of the stairs as Mara enters the house. She's startled when she sees Roman. They start to whisper to each other.

"What are you doing?" Roman starts first.

"Look, I egged him on. You saw it," Mara explains, "He's never hit me before. I promise he'll never hit me again."

She's about to go back downstairs when Roman says, "Like Aunt Cass' boyfriends?"

A silence passes between them.

"Roman, this is Tyler. I can handle him. Will you trust me? Please don't tell mom and dad."

With a desperately confident nod, Mara goes downstairs. Roman stands in the entry hall, troubled.


	3. Chapter 3

The Homecoming Dance is in full swing. God bless everyone, especially Roman. He's alone at the wall, dressed in his suit. To Helen, adorable. To himself, it was living hell.

Roman watches his sister as she slow dances with Tyler. As happy as she looks, Roman still isn't sure if he did the right thing by keeping quiet about what happened last night. The song ends to applause.

Roman turns away from his sister and her boyfriend. He sees Helen and Aidan at the punch bowl. The first chords of "Believer" by Imagine Dragons.

"Oh my God, they're playing good music," Helen gasps.

"Holy shit! They are! They're playing good music!" Aidan yells over the music blasting through the speakers.

Helen says, "Living room routine?"

Aidan grins mischevously. "Living room routine."

Roman watches Helen and Aidan run to the center of the floor and show this stiff crowd what dancing is. It starts slow. They do hand moves, a little shoulder, and then, the best of swing. 30 seconds of dance moves invented by a pair or wild geniuses

Roman takes a breath. He tries desperately not to look like he's dancing toward them but fails as he way too obviously dances toward them. He bobs his head like a dork, and once he gets close, Aidan and Helen turns around and sees him.

"Hey!" They both say.

Without a pause, they grab his hands and the three of them starts moving around together in a circle. Their own island. After a moment, Helen moves around Roman like he was a maypole as the whole gym explodes into dance.

Roman decides he's going to have a lot of fun here tonight.

~

The party rages inside this mansion in the rich part of town. Aidan and Helen walk up the steps with Roman tailing.

"God, it's freezing," Helen complains.

"But you wore that toasty costume. It's not like you're trying too hard to be original," Aidan says.

Helen rolls her eyes and shoves him lightly. "Piss off, Tennessee Tuxedo."

"Are you sure that it's okay if I come?" Roman asks them worriedly.

"Of course," Helen reassures him, "Just remember, Jamie's not paranoid."

"She's sensitive when high," Aidan quotes from what Helen said a few weeks back.

Helen knocks. The door opens, revealing Jamie behind it. Jamie was the cool high school kid, who never quite left. She's stoned so often that people can't tell the difference whether she's sober or high anymore.

"Aidan," She slurs, "That waiter from the Olive Garden is a tease. Will you marry me?"

"Only if I have Helen's blessing," Aidan plays along.

"Helen?" Jamie asks.

"You're a hopeless stoner who attends the culinary institute, and the guy asks the girl, you idiot." Helen smiles. "So, I'm going to have to say "no" on that one, but nice try. Roman?"

Before Roman can say anything, Aidan quickly leads him inside, saving him from having to say anything. That leaves Jamie staring at Helen.

"Touché." Jamie says.

Inside the house, Aidan shows Roman around. "Roman, this is a party."

The music blasts so loud that the whole house feels like it's shaking. As they walk through the crowd, they smell stale beer and cigarette smoke. It's a typical high school party. The room is packed with kids playing quarters while others are pouring vodka into a watermelon.

"This is what fun looks like," Aidan says proudly, smiling when he spots two familiar faces. "You ready to meet some desperate women?"

Talia and Lizzie, both 17, are sitting on the sofa together. Talia is smart, skinny, and extremely bossy. Lizzie will figure out that she's a hardcore kleptomaniac in college, but right now, she just likes dogs and books.

"Here, have a seat." Aidan motions for Roman to sit. "Hey, ladies, meet Roman. Roman, meet ladies."

They shake hands and say their hellos.

"This is Roman's first party ever. So, I expect nice, meaningful, heartfelt blow jobs from both of you," Aidan jokes.

Talia rolls her eyes, "Aidan, you're such a dick."

"Where the hell did you go at the dance?"

"The dance was a little boring, don't you think?"

"You're so selfish. We looked everywhere for you. You could have told someone."

Talia rolls her eyes. Again. "Cry me a river."

Aidan scoffs. "How is it that you got meaner since."

She shrugs. "Just lucky I guess."

"I think you're doing something wrong."

"Or something very right."

Aidan and Talia laughs at their banter, just as Helen calls out from the other side of the room, "Hey! Look who's here!"

The party turns and Roman sees Nick, the quarterback, enter with Helen and Jamie. Aidan approaches them, so Roman sits on the beat up couch next to the girls, feeling shocked.

"Is that Nick Gretchyn?" He asks them.

"Yeah, he comes here sometimes," Lizzie responds.

Roman furrows his eyebrows, "But he's a popular kid."

Talia is offended. "Then what are we?"

Roman tries to think of something, but he can't. The girls turn, ignoring him. Jamie approaches with a tray of brownies.

Jamie says, "Roman, you look like you could use a brownie."

"Thank you. I was so hungry at the dance," Roman tells her, "I was gonna go to King's, but I didn't really have any time. Thanks."

Jamie smiles. Lizzie gives Talia a knowing glance. Roman bites into the brownie, the icing gushing between his teeth. His vision goes blurry like smoke as he chews.

Later, the music changes, and Roman is now baked out of his mind. The whole party surrounds him now, pissing themselves with laughter as this shy kid talks and talks.

"Have you guys felt this carpet? This carpet feels so darn good," He slurs.

Talia laughs, "Roman, what do you think about high school?"

"High school? Bullshit," Roman scoffs, "The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center, and people wear their letter jackets even when it's like goddamn 98 degrees out. And why do they give out letters for marching band? That's not a sport, and we all know it."

"This kid is crazy," Talia giggles.

Roman looks at Talia with her hair tied back, making her look slightly weird.

"And Talia, I think you're really going to regret that hairstyle when you look back at old photographs." The whole house laughs. "I'm really sorry. That sounded like a compliment in my head."

"Oh my God," Talia says.

"Well he's not wrong," Lizzie shrugs.

"Shut up!" Talia punches her arm lightly.

Helen enters the room. She takes a quick look, then asks Jamie, "Jamie, did you get him stoned?"

"Come on Helen," Jamie groans, "He likes it. Just look at him."

"How do you feel Roman?" Helen asks.

"I just really want milkshake," Roman responds.

The entire room explodes with laughter. Roman loves that people find him so funny.

~

Helen takes the ice cream from the freezer to the blender. Roman watches her make the perfect vanilla milkshake.

"Helen, you have such pretty hazel eyes, the kind of pretty that deserves to make a big deal about itself. You know what I mean?" Roman says, drunkenly.

Helen huffs out a laugh. "Okay, Roman. Let me make the milkshake."

Roman stares blankly ahead. "What a great word. Milkshake. It's like when you say your name over and over again in the mirror, and after awhile, it sounds crazy."

"I'm guessing you've never been high before?"

"Me? No. My best friend Michael Stephens, his dad was a big drinker. So, he hated all that stuff. Parties, too."

"Well, where is Michael tonight?"

"Oh, he shot himself last May."

Helen looks up, shocked and silent. Roman is just stoned.

"I kind of wish he'd left a note. You know what I mean?"

Helen nods sadly.

"Where's the bathroom?"

"It's up the stairs."

Roman wanders off. Helen watches him go.

Soon, Roman leaves the bathroom and stops when he sees himself in a large ornate mirror in the hallway.

"Roman. Roman." Roman says, "Weird."

Roman wanders down the hallway, a little lost. He finds the door to the master bedroom and opens it. He sees Aidan and Nick. Kissing.

"Whoa," Roman says, slightly surprised.

Aidan quickly jolts back. "Roman?"

Nick is confused, but becomes nervous when he sees Roman at the door, "Who is that kid?"

"Relax. Relax," Aidan reassures him, "He's a friend of mine. Stay here."

Aidan closes the bedroom door and follows Roman as he walks away from the scene.

"I didn't see anything," Roman says when Aidan is in front of him.

"I know you saw something, but it's okay."

Aidan takes a quick peek to make sure no one is watching.

"Listen, Nick doesn't want anyone to know- wait, are you baked?"

""Like a cake." That's what Jamie said. And how you can't have 3 on a match because they would find us. And everyone laughed, but I don't know what's funny." Roman explains.

"Okay, Roman, listen. I need you to promise that you're not going to say anything to anyone about me and Nick. This has to be our little secret," Aidan pleads.

"Our little secret," Roman agrees.

"Thank you. We'll talk later."

"I look forward to that big talk."

Aidan laughs, goes back to the room, and closes the door.

~

The party has thinned. Helen watches Roman drink his milkshake obsessively with Lizzie and Talia.

Roman is still stoned. He says, "Isn't this the best milkshake, Lizzie? It's even better than the first one."

Aidan walks downstairs. Helen motions him over.

Helen whispers, barely audibly, "I need to talk to you. Roman just told me that his best friend shot himself. I don't think he has any friends."

Aidan turns to look at Roman. He feels so bad for the kid.

Aidan raises his plastic cup to the remaining crowd. "Everyone. Raise your glasses to Roman."

Roman looks up a little paranoid. Everyone is staring.

"What did I do?" Roman asks.

"You didn't do anything. We just want to toast our new friend," Aidan says, "You see things. And you understand. You're a wallflower."

Roman dries his sweaty hands on his pants. He looks around the room at the nods and friendly faces.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Aidan asks him.

"I didn't think anyone noticed me."

"Well, we didn't think there were any cool people left to meet. So, everyone..."

"To Roman," Everyone finishes in unison, then they all drink

Helen approaches him with a knowing smile. "Welcome to the island of misfit toys."

Roman gladly smiles back at her.


	4. Chapter 4

The truck speeds on I-376 toward the Fort Pitt Tunnel. Aidan drives. Helen cranks the radio, blaring what they label "The Tunnel Song." "Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You" by Arctic Monkeys is what it's actually called.

"My God. What is this song!?" Helen yells over the music.

"Right? I have no idea!" Aidan exclaims, agreeing with the idea of it being a great song.

"Have you heard it before?" Helen asks Roman.

Roman shakes his head, "Never."

"Wait! Let's go through the tunnel!" Helen suggests excitedly.

"Helen it's freezing," Aidan protests.

"Aidan! It's the perfect song!" Helen argues back.

"No. Aidan says no."

"Aidan, it's Helen. It's Helen talking to you, I'm begging you to drive me-"

Aidan laughs, "Alright! I concede!"

Helen climbs through the window to the flat bed. She grips the flood lights to steady herself as she stands.

"What is she doing?" Roman asks Aidan.

"Don't worry. She does it all the time."

"Turn it up!" Helen says to them.

"You got it, your highness," Aidan smiles.

Aidan turns up the volume and drums on the steering wheel, just as the truck flies into the tunnel.

Helen puts her arms in the air. Roman is looking up at Helen. He's so in love with this free-spirited girl. He's so happy to have friends, happy to be alive. Roman gets this look on his face. Aidan notices and smiles.

"What?" Aidan asks him.

"I feel infinite."

The truck flies out of the Fort Pitt Tunnel onto the bridge. Aidan and Roman laugh as Helen raises her arms. Free and young and alive on the greatest night of Roman's life.

~

Later that night after Roman gets home, he proudly puts a Panic! At The Disco poster on his wall next to photos of his new friends. He dances to his desk, listening to Fall Out Boy's "Uma Thurman" on his Walkman.

He starts writing again.

_Dear Friend, I'm sorry I haven't written for awhile, but I've been trying hard not to be a loser._

_For example, I am trying to participate by listening to Helen's collection of big rock ballads and thinking about love. Helen says they are kitschy and brilliant. I completely agree._

_I am also studying extra books outside of class. As it turns out, Mr. Anderson is a writer. He even had a play put up in New York once, which I think is very impressive. He and his wife might go back there after this year. I know this is selfish, but I really hope he doesn't._

_My favorite time, though, is lunch because I get to see Helen and Aidan. We spend the time working on Talia's fanzine about music and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's called Punk Rocky. Talia is really interesting because she is a Buddhist and a punk, but somehow she always acts like my father at the end of a "long day."_

_Lizzie loves music but wants to go to law school. She also steals jeans from the mall. I don't know why because her family is rich, but I'm trying not to be judgemental. Especially since I know how they were all there for Aidan last year. Aidan never likes to be serious, so it took me awhile to get what happened. She also is secretly dating one of the guys on the baseball team._

_When he was a junior, Aidan started seeing Nick on the weekends in secret. I guess it was hard, too, because Nick had to get drunk every time they fooled around. Then, Monday in school, Nick would say, "Man, I was so wasted. I don't remember a thing." This went on for 7 months._

_When they finally did it, Nick said he loved Aidan. Then, he started to cry, saying his dad would kill him. And saying he was going to hell._

_Aidan was eventually able to help Nick get sober. I asked Aidan if he felt sad that he had to keep it a secret, and he said no because at least now, Nick doesn't have to get drunk to love him._

_I think that I understand because I really like Helen. I asked my sister about her, and she said that when Helen was a freshman, the upper classmen used to get her drunk at parties. I guess she had a reputation. But I don't care. I'd hate for her to judge me based on what I used to be like. So, I've been making her a mix tape so she will know how I feel._

~

The movie is in full swing. Roman watches Helen as Janet in the Floor Show. Helen mimics Susan Sarandon perfectly. Especially the body. She winks at Roman as "Fanfare/Don't Dream It" begins and arriving regally as Frank 'n Furter in full drag is Aidan.

"Whatever happened to Fae Wray?" Aidan lip-syncs, "That delicate, satin draped frame? As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry 'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same."

Aidan is a rock star. He approaches Roman putting his ass in his face. Roman is freaked out but laughing. Especially when he sees Nick, alone in the back, smiling.

"Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares beyond any measure. And sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it?" Aidan continues to lip-sync.

Roman stops laughing when the orgy begins between Aidan, Talia (as Columbia), Joseph Martinez, an art student with a model's body (as Rocky), and of course, Helen.

Roman watches her until he can't take his lust (or guilt).


	5. Chapter 5

Tonight, they're in Joseph's loft apartment, the kitchen, more specifically. The song "Memories" by Panic! at the Disco is playing in the background as Roman watches the cast members at the after-show party. Roman sees a black and white picture of a cabin in the forest on the wall of Joseph's loft. It's very arty, in Roman's opinion.

Lizzie looks at the photo. "It's smashing, Joseph. What did you use?"

Joseph is impressive to high school kids. He's a little pretentious about his art school life, his red wine, and his loft.

"Color film, but black and white paper for the printing. My professor gave me an "A," but for the wrong reasons. Most of them are idiots. You'll see what I mean when you get to college," He explains. "How were your SAT's by the way?"

"1470. I think I'll get into Columbia," Lizzie responds.

Joseph nods. "Yeah, I hope so."

"1490. Harvard. Face!" Talia exclaims, a little bit rudely.

Roman sees Helen alone on the loft steps. She looks a little down. He hands her a plastic cup filled with soda and sits next to her.

"Hey, are you okay?" Roman asks her, concerned.

"Yeah. But I got my SAT results back," She sighs, "I didn't do too well."

"You can take them again," He reminds her.

Yeah, it's just if I'm going to Rochester, I have to do better," She says. "I wish I would have studied freshman year. I was a bit of a mess."

"I'll help you study for the next one," Roman offers a little too eagerly.

"Will you?"

"Yeah, of course." Roman smiles.

Helen smiles back at him. "Thanks."

Roman summons all the courage he requires and hands her the mix tape he made for her.

"What's this?" Helen asks, examining it.

"Just a mix tape. No big deal." Roman shrugs, but it's really a big deal to him. "My parents have a pretty good stereo. It's all about that night in the tunnel. I couldn't find that song we were listening to, but I'm still searching for it."

"It's okay. These are great. You have really good taste."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah. Way better than me as a freshman. I used to listen to the worst top 40."

"You did not!" Roman bursts out laughing amusedly.

Helen laughs. "Yeah, I did. But then I heard this old song. Pearly Dew Drops Drop. And I thought someday I would be at a party in college or something. And I'd look up and see this person across the room. And from that moment, I'd know everything was going to be okay. You know what I mean?"

Roman says, desperately in love, "Yeah."

~

The tape revolves in the stereo, playing a beautiful ballad. Roman watches Helen sway to his music like a serenade, like she is dancing with him, but she isn't. A wider angle reveals that she is slow dancing with Joseph. Roman is immediately disheartened. No filter. Just feeling. Aidan, Lizzie and Talia watch Helen across the room.

"So what do you think?" Lizzie asks Aidan.

"I don't know," He replies truthfully.

"I hope it works out," Lizzie continues, "Joseph would be a big step up from her last boyfriend."

"No shit," Talia scoffs, "Who could forget Mr. Car Wash Loser?"

I just hope she stops playing dumb with these guys, "Aidan muses, still watching his step-sister. "I keep telling her, don't make yourself small. You can't save anybody."

Joseph dips a smiling Helen as the song ends. She goes into the kitchen as Joseph approaches Roman and turns off his mix tape.

He says, "Man, your mix is morbidly sad, kid. How about something a little more upbeat?"

Joseph grabs a record from the pile and slaps it down. "Helen tells me you wanna be a writer."

"Yeah," He responds curtly.

"Don't you write poetry, Joseph?" Lizzie acknowledges.

"No, poetry writes me, you know?" Joseph responds with a pathetic excuse to seem philosophical.

Roman sighs. Joseph's upbeat song begins to play as he dances over to Helen. Roman's heart breaks as he watches Helen's hug on Joseph.

~

The bell rings. Charlie sets down his Down the Road paper down on Bill's desk.

"Wow, that was fast. You want another one?" He offers.

Roman nods. Bill smiles and reaches into his desk. He hands him a copy of John Green's "Looking For Alaska". Roman takes the book and starts to walk out, but he turns back.

"Mr. Anderson... can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Bill responds.

Roman rethinks his decision before deciding he would and saying, "Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?"

"Are we talking about anyone specific?"

Roman nods. Bill looks straight at him. Not preaching. Coming from a history of personal experience and pain.

Bill's answer is, "We accept the love we think we deserve."

"Can we make them know they deserve more?"

"We can try."

Roman smiles, satisfied with the answer.

**Author's Note:**

> so just to clarify things, the long paragraphs in italics are the letters the OC is writing. the rest are things that happened, narrated by me in the third person. so the point of view sort of varies. confusing, but youll get used to it.


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